A Silent Prayer
by CBloom2
Summary: Another little one shot regarding the one year anniversary of the crash.


**Hi all, back again with another fic to do with the anniversary of the crash. It's angsty, as usual from me, but hopefully not to miserable.**

 **Usual suspects involved, with a little extra from someone that I haven't really written for before, so I hope I get it right. I'm sure you'll let me know.**

 **Usual disclaimer, as in I don't own anyone that you recognise - they belong to the BBC - if I did I would have the brothers in every episode!**

 **A Silent Prayer.**

Dr Ethan Hardy approached the peace garden with trepidation. There was the bench. Why did it seem like a completely different entity on that day?

He sat down, nervously looking around him as if the solid, wooden seat would suddenly swallow him whole.

When he was satisfied that it wasn't going to happen, he relaxed slightly. He shifted to the left slightly to look at the shiny golden plaque attached to the back _In loving memory of Jeff Collier - a hero to many, never to be forgotten._

Ethan ran his fingers over the engraving as he blew out a shaky breath. He couldn't believe that a year had passed already.

"You got room for a little one?" a voice interuppted his thoughts.

He dropped his hand and looked up almost guiltily at the figure in front of him, "Yes of course," he said kindly.

Dixie sat herself next to him, watching the young man carefully, "You not working today?" she asked.

Ethan shook his head, "Mrs Beauchamp thought it might be wise if I didn't try to work today...I haven't been sleeping very well the last few nights...I'm not on my 'A' game at the moment. I thought working might help, it usually does, but this...this seems different," he swallowed audibly as he finished his explanation.

Dixie sucked in a deep breath, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm working, but I don't feel like my head is in the game..."

Ethan's expression changed to shame as he berated himself for not asking how she was as soon as she arrived, "I'm sorry Dixie - how are you? I should have asked you earlier...I do care...I just..."

Dixie laid a hand on his arm, "Ethan, don't. I know you care. You have your own demons to deal with today - and for your information, I'm ok - well as ok as I can be. I just can't get my head round that it's already been a year!"

Ethan nodded, "I know - so much has happened... I still blame myself you know..." Ethan stuttered out.

"Oh sweetheart, I thought you had got past all that," Dixie looked upset.

"I thought I had too, but as today got closer...I couldn't help but wonder if there had been anything else that I could've done to avoid the accident..." he felt a tear trickle down his cheek.

"Ethan, it really was just a tragic accident. Even the poor man who crashed into you wasn't really at fault - these things happen. Please don't blame yourself...I spent to long looking for someone to blame, it's not healthy, it eats you up. To be honest, it was the only way that Jeff would have wanted to go - he always thought himself as a bit of a superhero..." she chuckled.

Ethan smiled, "Thanks Dixie - you going to the pub later?"

"Yeah, I think we need to honour him the way he would've wanted us to - a couple of beers."

Ethan laughed softly, then stopped himself, once more feeling slightly guilty about it. Dixie patted his arm, "It's ok to laugh too," she smiled.

They sat in a companionable silence for a couple of minutes, both lost in their own thoughts and feelings about the day.

"Uh oh, here comes smother hen," Dixie nodded to her right, as Cal came into their view.

Ethan smiled fondly, "One good thing to come out of this tragedy," he mentioned.

Dixie leaned over and kissed his cheek, "See you later yeah?"

Ethan nodded, feeling more relaxed than earlier.

Dixie got to her feet just as Cal arrived at the bench bearing two coffees. Just before he sat down, she touched his arm, "Look after him," she advised quietly.

Cal's relaxed demeanour suddenly tensed, sensing trouble, "Always," he told her. She patted his arm and walked back towards the ED.

Cal sat himself down next to his brother, handing him a coffee, "Figured you could use one of these."

"Thanks," Ethan replied, taking the cup from the older man.

"Sooooo, everything ok?" Cal tried to sound casual - to sound like someone who wasn't really checking up on his brother.

Ethan smiled fondly once more, his brother was so obvious, "I'm ok Cal - well kind of. Dixie sorted me out. She's so brave. She's actually working today - I couldn't even manage that!"

"Do you honestly think that you would have had your head in the game today?" Cal asked him.

"No I know I wouldn't have, but it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty..."

Cal sighed deeply, "I know - but it's a strange day today - next year won't feel the same but this is the first year..."

Ethan nodded his agreement. Cal watched his little brother closely as he took a sip of coffee, "You still blame yourself don't you?"

The younger man suddenly found the floor quite interesting, "I did but Dixie talked to me and I see that it was just a tragic accident - not my fault, I couldn't have done anything different - I do know that, will just take a little more time to believe it, but I'm not tearing myself up about it now..."

Cal sat back on the bench, blowing out a breath of relief, "Good, that's my strong little brother..."

"Oh god - not again," Ethan chuckled as Cal nudged him in the shoulder.

"So you coming in? I've only got a hour left on shift..." Cal asked.

"Yes I'll catch up on some paper work, then we'll go to the pub? Celebrate Jeff's life?"

Cal stood quickly, "Sounds like a plan Nibbles."

He held out his hand for his brother to pull himself up, "Nibbles? Really? Have you not got it yet?"

Cal waved his hand, "Oh yes, yes, I know you don't like the name - well guess what _Nibbles_ \- deal with it!"

He slung his arm around his little brother's shoulders, sending up a silent prayer, not for the first time, of thanks that he still had him there to tease.

 **It's not the best but it got the idea out of my head. Also I couldn't leave Cal out of it completely!**

 **Only another week to wait for Cal and Ethan goodness in the show (hopefully).**


End file.
